*smashes head against wall*

see, now I don't know what to do. John called me again last night. let's just say he seems to be able to see right through me. I've never felt so exposed in my life. and I've never even looked him in the eye. He's visiting my hometown next weekend and he wants to take me out. I've never been this nervous about meeting anyone.

I did find out what "dirt" he had on me though, and it's not as bad as I thought. my girlfriend who gossiped about me (it's okay I forgive you darling) told him I sleep with a huge teddy bear (which is true, no laughing) and that I have a secret blog. he was pretty interested in said blog (which is this one in case you haven't figured it out for some reason). I told him yes I have one and that's all I'm going to tell you about it. he says he's going to find out where to find it by interrogating my friends. NOBODY TELL HIM OR I'LL KILL YOU.

she also told him I'm allergic to chocolate, also true, but I purposefully didn't tell him I was allergic to chocolate, because I knew he was the kind of guy who would bring me chocolate!

but there's a catch. I'm only allergic to the poor quality stuff like Dove or Hershey's. whatever. he knows I can eat Lindor truffles without coughing and tearing up. so there's still hope.

also: he wants to take me ballroom dancing. I about died when he told me that.

yeah. this is getting really hard. I'm trying not to freak out and back off but I'm afraid I might. he's a guy who looks for serious commitment and if I did back off he'd do the same.

But I'm trying not to hand my heart over on a silver platter. because some boys will just crush it without thinking. they have no idea how fragile it is. I doubt he'd do that, but still.

and I'm trying to remember that God's already got the whole thing figured out and He knows my story. I have to read one page at a time. I desperately want to skip to the end to see if it turns out okay but I don't have that option. So I'll just have to hold true to myself and my standards and my faith and trust that it'll work out.