Jan 28, 2011

ohhh ok wow.

so I'm re-reading my blog and seeing that some of my posts never posted. this explains some randomness of some of them. I do apologize.


OH random.

so I forgot to mention.

last sunday (after Jace and Sam helped me raise my bed) I found out two things:

1) they are in the room right above me. lol.

2) jace came to church last sunday :))))))

which is awesome because I've been praying for him literally since I met him. I hope he comes back.

ok. off to the gym to attempt to do ballet.


as demanded

well I've been told specifically that I need to blog again because certain friends enjoy stalking my life. obviously I'm slightly more interesting than I thought I was.

so basically.

the weekend after the move, my roommate's boyfriend came up to visit her. I won't go into details, but let's just say it was awkward. and this is coming from me: who doesn't really truly know the meaning of awkward? yeahhhhh o.0

ok. so.

as mentioned, Jace is talking to me again. I still have no idea what was going on, but I think I jumped to an incorrect conclusion. he gets up at about 6:30 and goes to the gym, so I see him monday/wednesday/friday briefly (can I just say… that boy looks wonderful? :D) , but we don't eat lunch together anymore :\ I haven't been able to catch him on tuesday/thursday and I don't want to drive him crazy.

I started dancing, as mentioned. it's quite wonderful. my cd should be coming soon, so I'll be able to dance by myself as well as in class. in fact I'll probably head over to the studio tonight and dance so I get my legs stretched out a little. unless someone offers to go to the event that's happening on campus. but as I don't have a ton of friends, I doubt anyone will. I'm doing well in dance. I've had two classes, I did some double pirouettes—they weren't good, but they were doubles!!—I got my scorpion back, and my strength is slowly returning. flexibility, not so much. everything hurts. I can't even pee without being in pain.

not like you wanted to know that random awkward detail.

I'm also eating ice cream more because apparently, 17% body fat isn't healthy.

I love how I go from ballet to ice cream.

I have this one friend. we'll call her Nelly (you know who you are) who is the most gorgeous girl ever. some crazy stupid blind people might think she's "big," (which she isn't) but most people just think she's curvy and beautiful. and she's got this incredible smile and beautiful eyes that make everyone just want to curl up and die in happiness. and she's a sweetie. she brings me great joy.


and see, I'd kill for a body like hers. but I can't get it. –sigh-


I'm working on my book a little bit here and there. but I have a lot of reading to do this semester, so I don't get a lot of time.

and—also—I now have a penname. so my books are on a different website and some of my poetry is up there.

and that's all for now. I'll be blogging more often I think, mostly with my phone though. because see… I don't like to carry my computer with me?… and my phone is a lot easier.

so yeah.


Started dancing again! Feels great when i'm not focusing on how hard it is and how badly it hurts... My muscles hurt so bad, literally when i do anything. Karen, a friend of mine, told me that her ballet teacher lets other people come to class just to dance. So i've been actually doing class!! It makes me feel so good ^^

i'm also going to run with karen (maybe, if she feels like getting up at 5:45 am) and i'll be doing my own class for myself and a few other girls who want extra help three times a week. I e-mailed my former ballet teacher and found out the artist of the music she used, so i snatched up the cd online. I'M SO EXCITED TO DANCE TO MY FAVORITE MUSIC AGAIN THAT IT'S BOT EVEN FUNNY.

My bookshelf came yesterday. It looks great in my room ^^

Jan 22, 2011

Kinda want to work on my books but i've already climbed into bed, and my computer is off.

Ate dinner with Jace and Sam last night. Didn't expect to see them. Jace was as great as ever. He and sam helped me raise my bed up last night. Or rather they did it and i stood out of the way and held stuff for them. Anyway it was fun.

Church tomorrow, then probably homework all day. Might attempt to be social later. Also need to knit a new scarf because i lost my old one. :/


New roommate turned out to be a success. She's sweet and funny and likes to talk. She says she's a christian, she's got Bible verces up on her wall and stuff. And it's great because she pretty much has the same schedule i do.

Thanks, Jesus!


Jan 19, 2011

Well jace got back from his trip and he's talking to me again. He's going to help me move tomorrow. It's such a relief.



Jan 18, 2011

Room change starts tomorrow. Gonna try to get a room in one of the honors dorms. But there aren't that many rooms open...and i have no idea how im going to move all my stuff. Who knows. God help me.

Jan 16, 2011

so apparently…

so apparently, jace is acting "really frigging weird" around all his friends, not just me. Sam said the idea of me annoying him to the point that he wouldn't like me anymore is silly because he puts up with him and his other friends and they're all more annoying than me.

which is one of the reasons I was so confussled about this whole thing. I mean, i 'm not that bad compared to some of the girls he hangs out with!! gah!

anyway. I've been praying for him for a while, praying that God softens his heart and changes his life. he's not horrible… I just don't see him living like a Christian, I see no fruit. it took me almost a week to figure out he even knew who Jesus was.

maybe this "acting really frigging weird" is God working in his heart. I hope that's the case.

mom still thinks he's in love with me. I doubt that seriously.

sam said he'd "beat the hell out of him" when he got back. he needs it.

and a hug.

well, I need a hug. which is why I hope he starts talking to me again. I miss him and his hugs.


Jan 15, 2011

Strained my foot. Trying to keep my body warm and my foot cold.

Didn't do anything today. Got up at 1pm and worked on my writer profile...basically i'm disconnecting my name from my books.

Hope it works.

Jace hasn't spoken (texted) to me since monday night. Last week. Driving his roommate to church tomorrow. We'll call him Sam. He'd e-mailed me about some God stuff over break. I invited him to church. We're both pretty quiet, so it'll probably be a little awkward, but it'll be ok.

Maybe he can clear up some of this crap with jace.

Jan 14, 2011

sigh. ok.

well I called my mom and got her take on the whole thing. she thinks maybe I'm to clingy and that I scared him off. or maybe that he just needs to back off and figure out his priorities and how he feels about me. which is slightly scary because if that man told me he was interested in me I have no idea what I would do. probably awkwardly stare at his beautiful eyes and wait until he said something of an easier topic.


I'm still praying for him and I'll be here if he ever wants to talk to me again. I just hope that mom is right and that he doesn't hate me.


Jan 13, 2011

He still wont answer. At the point where i just want to ask why. I wanted to ask voldemort the same thing but i just let it go. Look how that turned out.

Jan 11, 2011

Is posting a comment that hard?
Just wondering.

oh. my. God.

these are the things that we talked about over Christmas.

  • my father and brother talked about how younger boys can shoot their pee farther than older boys. maybe I should rephrase and say "bigger boys" and "smaller boys."
  • my sister got two ornaments at an exchange and she continually referred to them as "her balls."
  • my sister (yes, same sister) spent a whole conversation explaining how horses look so funny when they… ok. "stretch their thingie." my father (bless him) had to explain how that works. Lord have mercy that was awkward.
  • "ode to the dog…. who lays on the floor… that we adore… whose dander flies through the air…. in the lightning…" as sung by my sister. she was sick. she's extra loopy when she's sick.
  • my brother explained to the pastor's son what a fart was, what it sounds like, how it works, and all the lingo associated with it. it was actually rather entertaining. he seemed to think it was funny when you get in trouble for farting in public.
  • sister 1: "I'm the headless horseman!" *pulls bathrobe over head.
    Sister 2: "If you're a man, I'm never sleeping with you again."
    Sister 1: *long pause, awkwardly stares.*
    Me: "Sister 2!… you don't say stuff like that."
  • My parents have been married 25 years in June. they still think they're teenagers. Let me explain: My dad twisted his ankle after jumping over a fence when he was transplanting a tree. (he forgot he was over fifty.) mom said "We'll have to nurse him today." dad said, "Ooohhhh…" later the next morning mom asked "Do you need help getting dressed?" dad said, "Well," in the most james-bond-esque voice he could manage. Yeah. and stuff like this happens all the time.

thank God I'm back at school. even if my friend is ignoring me.

so angry.

I'm angry at myself more than anything. I've done it again. jace is ignorning me. I've annoyed him to the point that he's exhasperated, and he's done putting up with me.

but I have no idea what I did.

same thing happened with Voldemort. of course I hate voldemort, and I don't hate jace. I like jace. probably more than I should. he's a nice guy, he's hard not to like. voldey? he was was really easy not to like.

so now I've scared off my closest friend on campus. I feel exactly where I was before, last semester at the beginning of the school year, when Sarah was the only person I knew. only now I know more people and they're sort of my friends, but I don't know them very well.

I really hope I'm wrong. that's all I can say. in fact I hope I'm wrong about voldemort as well. but I don't think I am about either. unless someone stole voldemort's phone and texted my sister on it, and jace lost his phone and just decided not to eat for the past few days.

and it hurts more than it should. I knew he could never be more than a friend because he's just not right for me. but he was a good friend. for three months.

that's fine. God is enough. well Lacrae thinks so. and I know so. it's just annoying. why can't I keep a friend for more than a few months?

one of these days I'll be somebody's "normal," not someone's "weird friend." maybe he'll love me enough to marry me.

I hate boys. maybe I'll just never get married. bah! humbug.


and we've had a foot and a half of snow, so classes are canceled.


Jan 10, 2011

Borrrreeddd. Had a long weekend of laying in bed feeling like crap and now that i'm healthy i can't seem to find any of my friends. I haven't socialized since friday so i'm kinda feeling wacky. But i'm also thankful for the solitude because it feels good to be alone. I recharge by myself, or in disconnected chaos (dining hall, loud room, the track) but i sorta miss my friends.

And i haven't had a hug since friday morning.


Brainstorming ideas for books. I've got some interesting ideas. I also revised the characters in two of the books i'm working on and it makes much more sense this way.

Sorta hanging out hoping i see jace. But i probably won't because he never sees me, and tends to walk right past me. Maybe i should just head to *$ and knit.

Jan 9, 2011

Got sick friday night at about 9pm. at first i thought it was food poisoning but it didnt fade, and i got a fever. It finally broke this morning at about 6am.

The gym opens at one and the book store opens at noon, so i have a few things to get done today. I need a shower and i have a book to buy, and i need a new internet cable. My old one broke :/

Still havent seen jace or any of the others. Monday classes are cancelled ^_^ so i get a realy long weekend. I Dont have class until Wednesday.

This t9 thing is pretty cool once you get a hang of it...

Will blog again soon, hopefully about more important things.


Jan 6, 2011


I don't really get homesick for my family. But right now i'm right now i want to go back to school. Im staying at a friends house right now, and i adore her, but i miss my room, and my stress is on high right now. i got the date wrong for move-in day so i can't leave until tomorrow :\

Sigh. I think ive annoyed jace this month a lot. I need to just stop texting him all together.

I think i'll knit or write or something.

Jan 3, 2011

an antisocial moment

I have those once in a while. I get tired of dealing with people ans their sh!t so i leave and get my head back on before i blow up at them.

Today is one of those days. I'm so ready to go home to the mountains, i miss my friends and my room with all my crap on the walls and i miss making campbell's soup in my room. I miss jace and his awesome hugs. I miss the 12 degree mornings. I miss it all.

Right now im in my room hiding under a blanket. It feels good under here.
I should probably add that im tired from no exercise, no dancing, more treats and less lettuce than i normaly eat, and im on my freaking period.



Jan 1, 2011

oh dear

my dad forgot he was 51 and jumped over a fence. he sprained his ankle and is now on the couch.

silly man.


Out of pure curiosity, i wonder if i send a two page message to blogger if it will post as one post or two?
We filmed a zombie movie today, me and the girls. It was fun :) i was the zombie. For those of you who know me, search my firstnamelastname on youtube and you'll find it :)



Happy new years! I hate making resolutions, because I figure why start a habit in January? if you're going to start a habit or resolve to change, don't wait until the beginning of the year. just do it.


  1. I will try to read my Bible every day, and journal my prayers. It's good for me. it's commanded of me.
  2. I will try to study more in school. having my own room or having a study room will help with that.
  3. I will try to run, dance, stretch, or exercise a few times a week. Hopefully every weekday (at school. can't do it here and now because I don't have a gym at home!!!)
  4. grow my hair out so that this time next year, it's silky and healthy, not half-silky and half-tattered.
  5. write more!

Things I'm not going to bother resolving to do because it won't work or would be pointless

  1. keep my room clean (I'm hopeless. honestly.)
  2. lose weight (I do this by accident, not on purpose.)
  3. eat better (I eat what I like and my pants still don't fit. again, pointless.)

So there you go.