roll my eyes and go on to other fantasies. it comes with being insane i guess.
Apr 30, 2011
Apr 28, 2011
Why do people fall in love? What is the difference between loving someone and being in love with him/her? (Complete answers appreciated)
people "fall in love" because of emotion, feeling, chemistry, affection, and physical attraction/desire. it could be one of those, it could be all of them.
loving someone is an action. true love is a decision to be committed and dedicated, and to serve someone, even when you don't feel like it.
they are two very opposite things. simply put, falling in love is a fleeing emotional feeling, whereas loving someone is done out of commitment and respect.
Apr 27, 2011
What would your dream vacation be?
France: ballet, opera, good food, pretty area. but i'd need to have a boy with me. definitely.
Apr 26, 2011
Who's your favorite Disney character?
i hate disney. it gives kids wrong ideas about family and love.
Apr 25, 2011
Which is easier to make a model airplane out of and why: a banana peel or a wet sock?
banana peel because you can cut it and mold it but it still holds its shape. a wet sock is useless for anything but moldy toes.
Glad break is over. With everyone gone and nothing open, it was exhausting.
I have so few things left to do this semester! I'm actually going to finish most of my stuff today, and then this week and half of next week i can study for my finals. I'm so excited. I'll be home in no time.
Then again i know summer will be stressful. I love my family, but living with them--well, living with ANYONE--causes me stress.
Ive decided as far as jace, if he outright tells me he likes me--or since he knows about the arranged marriage thing, asks for my dad's number--i'll worry about him. Otherwise he's just a flirt who likes to hang out with me. He doesnt meet the requirements anyway.
Gym is finally open. Thank God because my legs were starting to hurt.
Apr 24, 2011
If you could only drink one thing for a year and it couldn't be water, what would you drink?
some sort of spots drink like gatorade or something else-ade. mostly water, with sugar for the glucose levels. otherwise the ballerina/athlete inside me would just keel over.
Apr 22, 2011
Feeling so incredibly LAZY this week. The dining hall opens at 9 the gym opens at 11, and the library is closed today. Normally i wake up at 5:30 but lately ive been up at something like ten. I feel guilty but then again if i got up early i would litterally have nothing to do for five hours.
I hate breaks. i like haviing something to do every day. I like having a schedule i can follow. And im too stressed to be inspired so i cant even write.
Sigh.
<3
Apr 20, 2011
see this? this is my confused face.
so last night I went up to do my laundry and my clothes had 7 minutes left on them because I'm a moron and can't count to thirty. anyway. I was sitting there waiting, thinking about how much easier it will be this week to walk around campus and know I'm not going to run into jace and have to suffer through trying to figure out what he wants, trying to be his friend, and trying to give him enough space not to be annoying all at the same time.
and of course, he walks in. it was pretty funny because the poor guy was so confused for a second—that 'what the hell are you doing here'—look. we talked for a few minutes and he gave me the hug he owed me—another long story—and invited me to hang out with his friends while they played some video game.
now I really don't like sitting and watching people sit and watch a screen, but it had to beet trying to sleep while my roommate argued with her boyfriend about Glee and her upcoming marriage proposal which, for some reason, she expects to be perfect and romantic, even though her boyfriend is an idiot.
so I took a shower and grabbed my knitting and went upstairs. the four of them had their laptops hooked up to a weird thing in the middle of the room and they were spread out around the room at various tables and chairs and there were chords everywhere. let's just say it was not what I expected and it was a maze to get in and out.
but I sat there for an hour and a half and worked on my headscarf and watched him play some weird game where he dug through solid rock for an hour to make his spiral staircase freestanding.
of course I got back to my room to discover I'd left my clothes lying on my bed, so I slept like that little boy in The Rescuers Down Under, with a pile of clothes on my bed. I think a sock fell in the night and landed in the trashcan.
so I am, once again, left confused. if you've been following this story, I met him, he liked me, he flirted with me, he stopped liking me but continued to flirt with me because that's just what jace does, he texted me all through Christmas break where we made a writers pact and neither of us followed through with it, then when I got back he ignored me for three weeks and wouldn't text me back, I stumbled across him and he acted as if nothing had happened but he STILL wouldn't text me back, then he insists he wants me to eat lunch with him regularly but I can never find him and, when I'm up there he never acknowledges me, then one night I had sam drag him down for donuts and he started texting me back, now he's inviting me to sit with him while he digs through rock for an hour on the computer and still manages to flirt with me while he does it.
Pardon mon francais, but what the hell does he want?
<?
Apr 19, 2011
"you'd better start sending names."
Yeah. so I've mentioned the arranged marriage thing up here before, right?
*crickets chirp and readers get weird facial expressions.*
ooookayyy I guess not.
So my dad is picking my husband. not like I'll show up on my wedding day and get married kind of thing, but I want him involved in the process. He's smarter, wiser, more mature, and is an outside perspective (whereas I loose my head easily). and it's good accountability.
so one afternoon mom was like "You'd better start sending dad some names so we can start checking them out."
and I was like "Yeah ok. let me send you the long list of guys who want to marry me."
you see them all in there, waiting anxiously?
yeahhhhh.
remember the whole scaring people away thing? what have I not talked about that either? besides Voldemort I've managed to scare off a bunch of my friends.
or maybe they were never really my friends in the first place.
(depressingly inspired from Nacho).
</3
Apr 18, 2011
Last niGHT I HAd w dream that my aunt in montreal contacted me and sent me something. I was writing her a thankyou note and about to ask her if i could come live with her for a while and study abroad when my stupid phone woke me up.
Roommate is back after having been gone for the weekend.
Git-up, Em. Up and go sweat.
<3
Roommate is back after having been gone for the weekend.
Git-up, Em. Up and go sweat.
<3
Apr 17, 2011
creeper
I realized I have the potential to be a creeper.
I pick people. I pick them for different reasons. maybe because they have nice hair, or an interesting face, or a tattoo I'm curious about, or they're ALWAYS doing one thing or another.
and then, I creep.
I remember their faces. I listen to their conversations without them knowing I'm paying attention. I learn who they hang out with. I learn their favorite places to hang out.
I learn their schedules. I can easily time my entrances, exists, pit stops, and food breaks to either run into them, or not run into them. I can cause them to notice me, or be sure they never see me.
creepy.
or maybe I would just be a really good secret agent.
or a writer?
<3
Apr 16, 2011
Thursday
So on thursday I went to walmart because I had to get food. I also really wanted donuts. So I got a bag of donuts and invited Jace and Sam and a girlfriend over to my room to help me eat them so I woulnd't feel so guilty. I made sure my girlfriend came over before the guys showed up.
anyway, it was fun. we managed to get through the whole bag of mini-crullers and most of the peanut butter cookies—peanut butter happens to be Jace's favorite food and I think he ate like, four of them—and I got lots of hugs (which, ok, I'll admit, was the real reason I dragged everyone over, because I was pms-ing and I was in a bad mood). anyway we all hung out and talked for like, an hour. it was really nice.
And Jace actually texted me back for a few minutes. that was a nice change. maybe he doesn't completely hate me. he did give me too hugs. but it doesn't match up. I wish I knew what he was thinking, it would just make my life easier.
I don't hate boys. I jus hate that I can't figure them out.
<3
Apr 15, 2011
Apr 13, 2011
Speech today. Last night my internet wasnt working very well, so i couldnt finish my homeework. So i am skipping my workout this morning to do it today instead. Also, i have to write a paper, and the notes i took for it are in the journal i turned in to my health teacher for an example of my food diary.
So yeah. Grrrrr.
Apr 12, 2011
The List
This is The List. "The list?" you ask? The List of attributes I am looking for in a husband and that I will not settle for anyone who doesn't meet most or all of the required items on The List.
I encourage you to make your own list. you can steal from mine if you so wish.
I shall update as additions are made.
1. Wants to be with me because of the kind of person I am
2. Calls me just to talk
3. Will study or read the bible with me
4. Will pray with me
5. Makes me want to be a better person
6. doesn't think I'm cute or hot or sexy but thinks I'm beautiful
7. likes to cuddle :)
8. loves kids and wants lots of them
9. makes me feel so lucky and blessed just to be his friend
10. wants to be my best friend and know everything about me
11. will visit me if he doesn't live nearby
12. stubborn enough to pursue me even though I'll probably avoid him for a month or two…
13. makes me—under God—his top priority
14. willing to speak to my father in person and will drive to my hometown.
15. be captivated by me
16. needs me and thinks he can do anything if I support him
17. will stand up for me and defend me immediately and for everything
18. has a high respect for books. The printed ones.
19. Wants to read my stories
20. Will hold me when I cry
21. Loves to sing with me—or to me
22. Won't ask what's wrong, he'll just be there
23. Isn't annoyed by me or scared away
24. Authoritative leader
25. Will put up with my rambling on and on about my characters and ballet and books and everything else I love to ramble about…
26. An important requirement: loves hugs.
27. Can have a conversation without making a sexual reference
28. Sets goals and finishes well.
29. One word: Chivalrous
30. Will sharpen and lead me spiritually
31. Serious about Holiness
32. Honest
<3
Apr 11, 2011
ROFLMAO I can't stop laughing
ever heard of John and Hank Green? John Green publishes YA books—very controversial books but good with great messages for contemporary teens who are not easily offended—and he and his crazy brother hank do Brotherhood 2.0 and Vlogbrothers.
Here's the QA Video about them.
and here are some funny DFTBA moments:
bwahahahahahahahahahahah
you can also join the nerdfighters website here: http://nerdfighters.com
<3
Odly enough i had a dream last night. Here's what happened: yogi our dog was at college with me and i had to keep him in an appartment, so he had a pee bucket. He kept forgetting it was for pee though. Then i woke up and fell asleep for another dream, and i decided to cut my hair. In order to do this i had to take a shower so it was wet. But when Diva, my little sister, saw me with the hair clippers, she asked me to cut her hair. So i did. Thenn while i did that, Sunshine (sister #2) took a shower. When sunshine got out diva got in. Then mom woke up and i had to put the clippers away because she doessnt like it when i cut my hair myself.
*yawn-stretch* ok. To the gym for this fat ballerina!
<3
Apr 8, 2011
guilt
so here's the thing: this diet I was doing for school was taking over my life. After only three weeks I was at the point where I felt guilty for eating a brownie or peanut butter or a chicken patty. and the study was for my stress management class.
ironic?
so I'm done. I did it for about three weeks, and I'm going to put two of the three weeks up on the records and explain I couldn't continue doing it because of money, time, and stress, and how eventually I want to do the experiment on other people and for a long term. however, I did manage to drop my body fat percentage and weight over said two weeks. so I did what I set out to do. but for now, I'm done.
tonight for dinner, I hate a hamburger and pizza crust and a half a brownie and the whipped cream off a piece of cake. and I felt guilty for it and had to remind myself that I am now done with the retarded diet and I can eat what I want.
but even now I feel guilty.
I hate it! I want to be back at 130 or more pounds. and even though I won't look quite as great in a leotard, I chose to be satisfied with my body because I will never be thin enough to make myself happy.
see, I've always wanted to be about 115. I could do it if I worked really hard and had the time to exercise. but I like food. and I like it when my jeans fit. and I like having boobs.
but the thing is… even when I was down to 122 with a 14.8 body fat percentage, I still thought my legs were fat. I thought they weren't as fat, but I still looked at them and thought "ew. chubby jiggly yuck."
but unless I lost all my body fat and toned my muscles completely, I will never be satisfied. and the guilt I felt would have eventually, if I'd let myself keep going, become an eating disorder. not anorexia or bulimia, but still disordered eating to the point where I would be obsessed with losing weight.
thank God I'll never be a ballerina. He knew what He was doing by giving me bad arches and crappy knees and no turnout. He was saving me.
all I can say is, if you're not happy with your body, try changing it. you may change for good and be satisfied with the new change… or you may learn that you were satisfied all along.
Apr 7, 2011
What movie are you most looking forward to seeing?
CITY OF BONES. <3 it better not suck like twilight did....
Skipped my workout and ballet today. I blame the roommate. She was talking to her bf so i left and read CoG again and saw a friend and got a phone call and none of it would have happened if she didnt talk to him loudly and obnoxiously. Now its almost 10:00 and im still in bed.
Im still an emotional disaster from the stupid boy situation. I just want to meet the right guy already so i can remember why jace isnt what i want. I keep re-reading my list. I wrote more letters. I keep praying. But its still hard. Its getting easier but its still hard.
Now my legs hurt because i didnt exercise today. I'll have to exercise tomorrow for sure, which means go to bed early.
Apr 6, 2011
IVNAOVNSACN SOJDANFVOASN VJOSA DNVONSADOVNSJDKANV CKJSAD NV
yeah. I really just want to bash my head into a wall.
- school stress
- stupid boys (coughjacecough)
- no money
- no money with which to buy the books I want (they're ballet instruction manuals)
- my Achilles tendons are flaring up constantly lately because my pointe shoes are a half inch too high on my heel and my running shoes are worn out… so I have to stop running or stop dancing. a dance major can't just stop dancing. so now I have to get my cardio somewhere else, or get new $100 running shoes. I don't have $100.
- my knees are dislocated. again.
- im broke.
aw geez I'm PMSing.
dnaosvnanfvodsnopandsfla.
</3
Apr 5, 2011
o.0
so the problem with Jace is I feel like I need to distance myself from him so I don't like, I dunno, start drooling every time I see him, but I also feel like avoiding him will cause problems. and I don't need another voldemort on my hands. (for those of you who know that backstory. ugh.) and I feel guilty because he's my friend, and I like to actually spend time with my friends.
I'm still praying about it a lot. I just don't know what to do in the meantime while I'm trying to figure it out.
I have also decided that jace—the real jace from Mortal Instruments—is my favorite contemporary literary hero. or maybe he's a villain. I don't know. he's a disaster but I adore him.
on a totally random note… so I have these stick-on plastic speech bubbles on my door with special crayons you can use to write on them. someone keeps writing silly things on them. and I made pouch to hold the crayons out of paper and duct tape (I'm a very creative person) and the person put a clump of burnt pop-corn in the pouch today.
at first I thought it was flowers.
I'm really getting curious as to who it is. I hope it's a girl being silly. if it's a guy life will just get that much more complicated.
because that's the kind of guy I'd fall for: one who leaves clumps of burnt pop-corn at my door just to be obnoxious.
<3___<3
What's your favorite kind of snack to eat?
chocolate. or cereal. i like cereal. and pizza. but mostly chocolate. i also really like brownies. (oh wait, that is chocolate.)
and then there's strawberries with sour cream and brown sugar over pound cake. i like that a lot too.
M&M's...
yeah.
Ive gotten to the pointe where i feel guilty for skipping my workout or sleeping past 6am. I used to sleep until noon. Amazing.
My sister and i might move out for the summer. The problem is we need to work to make some money but moving out would take some of that up.
We'll see what happens. Hopefully the strain there will bllow over by May.
My study is working. My bodyfat% dropped a point.
Will blog more later...
<3
Apr 2, 2011
fun, pointe, and pain
so I came home for my little sister's birthday party but I didn't tell her I was coming. it was hilarious.
long weekend at home. been nice but stressful. got my homework done though, so that's good.
and I found my brand new pointe shoes. yay.
got seriously inspired for one of my books. I can't wait to work on it. I knew there was something missing from my character's life and now that I've reconnected with a childhood friend, her character is becoming more and more clear.
feels good. it hurts because it's a disaster, but it feels good.
<3
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