It makes me sad that John thinks he's not attractive. I tell him he is, but he doesn't quite believe me. Then again, he tells me I am, and I don't quite believe him. So I guess he's just more open about his doubt than I am. I made him promise not to cut himself down anymore, and it'll take some getting used to, but I think he'll get better at it.
The thing is, he is everything I want and everything I need. and I don't really know how to prove that to him. I think I'm just going to have to prove it after a long period of time. He's going to have to realize it himself—and realize that it doesn't matter even if he isn't "good enough" for me, because I love him and I'm sticking with him.
So there's nothing really I can do, because he as to find his worth in Christ, not me. But it makes me feel kind of helpless.
On a brighter (or not so brighter) note, I've decided, again, to lose weight. I don't like stretch marks. they're ugly. So the weight is going bye-bye. I don't look good in a leotard anymore.
This is going to be expensive, however, because it means I have to eat upstairs, and that costs a lot of money. It's going to be hard, because that means I have to give up Caramel Macciattos. and I really like those. Also no more latte's either. I'm going back to coffee. It's cheaper and non-fattening.
I'm also trying to figure out how to cook beans and lentils in the microwave.
of course, not that my microwave is broken, it's a bit of a moot point.
I was pranked… Here's the story.
There's this guy. He lives across the hall and down a door or two. Let's call him Scott. He's a Freshman and he's almost as obnoxious as me. He loves zombies and we share a sort of passion for sharp objects and violence. (what you mean you didn't know I was a violent person? pu-leez.)
- I have a cool assassin hat
- I leave my door unlocked most of the time
- my boyfriend lives 300 miles away.
So this is what he did.
- he stole my hat
- when I finally got it back, a few days later he snuck into my room and ransacked it and stole it again
- he brought me cookies and popcorn as an apology but wouldn't return the hat.
I did eventually get the hat back, btw. I made him feel really guilty because in the process of ransacking my room, he put my laundry detergent in my microwave. Now this normally wouldn't be a problem, but he didn't know the laundry detergent cap was broken, and it leaked all over my microwave.
yeah. I was mad.
so I cleaned it out as best I could. after letting the rest of it dry out for a day or two, I plugged it in and it was making weird crackly electrical noises, so I unplugged it and set it asside.
Scott felt really bad. he said he wanted to buy me a new one but he was broke, so he gave me my hat back. I kept the pictures for blackmail. bwahahahaha!
and for funsies.
So I have my hat and no microwave. however an old friend of mine said they had an extra and they're going to bring it to my folks place so I can get it after fall break. yay!
God is awesome like that.
So now I know two things:
- Lock my door at all times. no exceptions.
- Don't tease/joke around with/participate in activities with Scott, because he does like me. Which is a little creepy, honestly, because he is like seventeen and I'm almost twenty. and he knows that.
I GET TO SEE JOHN AND VICTORY IN FOUR DAYS! FNAOFHNASOFGNSALFSAJ.