I dont want to work out, i want to stay in bed...but i have to get up because if i dont i wont get anything done. I hate having self control sometimes.

school and work and frozen toes

okay tonight im not going to blog about John because im sure it's beginning to annoy everyone. now there's nothing wrong between us, but I need to write about other things.

1. school is INSANE. I have way too much to do. yet somehow or another im managing to get it all done.

2. the diet thing is going okay, I sort of do really well for about a week and then eat pizza, or a latte, or chocolate, and gain all the weight back again (I say all, I mean the half pound or the one percent I lost) so it's sort of okay but not really. I have a goal: I want to be able to fit into my black lace leotard by the end of the semester. I really hope I can meet that goal. because it's a pretty leotard. and I would really like to loose about 2 percent. that would put me about where I need to be for a dancer.

3. I have like eight knitting projects that im working on and I REALLY need to finish them….. gah. im making mittens for Jace (because I promised him I would) and mittens for Dylan (again, it was a request) and a scarf for John, and a hat for Mom, and a hat for Dad, and I haven't even figured out for Sis, or Fish, or Ears. I know what I want to make Victory, but I haven't started it yet, and I can't say what it is because she reads this blog :P

4. this morning when I got up it was 31 degrees outside. this brought me great joy. for someone who has very little body fat to keep her warm, I love the cold. of course this is somewhat problematic because I do get up at 6am every morning and work out, and it's pretty cold at 6am when the sun has been down for 10 hours… yah. brrrr. good thing I run inside!!

4. work is great right now, because I'm literally getting paid to make pottery. im supposed to be doing samples, and im taking pictures and making project sheets. I tutor ballet sometimes, but my students haven't been regular. and im doing a volunteer thing with the theatre… I get to work backstage for the costumes for Sweeney Todd. yay! I don't get paid, but It'll get me in with the faculty and hopefully make me some contacts… future internships? maybe.

5. thanksgiving is coming up and Sis and I are going back home. we're kidnapping John and we're going to make turkey and yams with marshmallows and cocoa and John and I will go for walks in the evening and it will be wonderful. I know that was a run-on sentence and I know im not capitalizing or punctuating anything but I don't care. :)

<3

…don't tell me you've forgotten to be awesome…

Have YOU pre-ordered The Fault in Our Stars? I did. I hope all you nerdfighters out there will as well. It's only about $12 of your money, which is a little over an hour's worth of minimum-wage work.

C'mon. For a John Green book, it's worth it.

I absolutely loved the first chapter. I can't wait for more!

dftba.

Do you like to cook?

I like to bake cookies, especially during the Christmas season. i like Christmas in general, it's my favorite. i've had so many good memories and it's always such a sweet time of the year... i cant wait until Christmas this year :) i plan on kidnapping John. He's all for that plan.

Ask me anything

GAH. I HATE BEING A GIRL. %&\4"7:=^85"$\'550.

Homosexuality from a Berean's perspective

BTW, Berean is a term from Acts 17, where the church in Berea was congratulated because they tested everything they were being taught against what they knew was true from the old testiment. I consider myself non-denominational, but also a Berean, because I test everything I hear against what I know to be true.

This is a nerdfighter video. I would ask you please watch it before reading the post. There are some weird sexual facts about bed bugs (awkward…) but I'd like you to watch it not only because it's interesting and funny, but it brings up a good point.

you can skip it if you really want, and my post will, hopefully, still make sense.

(note: I'd say this is for ages 16+)

 

My response:

It's interesting to me to see a non-Christian's perspective on homosexuality. Hank made this video for National Coming Out Day.

Sexual orientation is different than personality. One of the misconceptions poor Hank had was that since his personality mixed well with girls but he didn't have crushes on them, maybe his sexual orientation matched theirs, since his personality matched theirs.

I really like knives and violent movies. I like hanging out with guys. I write crime thrillers about kick-ass guys (and girls) who blow things up. Am I attracted to women because most of the time it's men who like movies like that? absolutely not. My Sis has mostly guy friends… I think she has three girlfriends total, and she's friends with them mostly because I am (Victory, her sister, and a girl in the state we used to live in). Does that mean our sexual orientations are closer on the scale of Male than of Female? I'd beg to differ. Our personalities might be, but sexual orientation is a totally different scale, and it's not really a scale at all. It's a box, and it's determined by your DNA and your anatomy. Again, some people get confused by their personality, but that doesn't determine your sexuality.

A lot of people say they "knew they were gay" or "were born this way," but science has shown us that when we really get to the bottom of homosexuality, it's usually because of a bad experience, or confusion, such as Hank's confusion, or the confusion of my character in my book. my character decides that she hates guys because they're mean, so if she hates guys, she MUST like girls! it made sense to a little kid at the time. when she falls in love with a guy in high school, she get's REALLY confused.   sometimes but not always, someone will be confused because of sexual abuse as a child. Nobody is born gay. They are born male or female.

Now: do I have a problem with gay people? am I condemning them to hell? do I hate them? let me answer each one.

Do I have a problem with them? Define problem. I have a lot of homosexual friends. They are great friends to me. Some of my ballet students are gay. Some of my writing friends are lesbians. I write a novel about a girl who thinks she is a lesbian (email me if you're curious, because I'm not going to write about the book on this blog). Now: I have a problem with homosexuality itself. not the people, but the sin. It's disgusting. it makes me sad. it's against God's commands and it's against nature.

(if you disagree with me about it being against nature and tell me "almost every other species has homosexuality," my only argument is "every other species can still reproduce from homosexuality. they don't do it because they're confused, they do it because it's part of their survival. if two males can't have sex and have a baby, or two females can't have sex and have a baby, it's against nature.)

Also: It doesn't matter if I have a problem with it or not, because I'm not God (more on that below). God is the one who created us, God is the one who rules this universe and all of creation. If God is the one who has a problem with it, I would be smart if I were you and do what He says.

Second question: Am I condemning them to hell? no, I'm not. I'm not God. I'm a Christian, but I'm not God. Again, I hate the sin, not the people. My job on earth is to glorify God, enjoy Him forever, and go into all the world and preach the gospel and make disciples. My job is to love my neighbor as myself. My job is to trust and obey. You've heard it all before, but that's really what it boils down to. Take my life and let it be, ever only all for thee. My job is not telling people who is going to hell because of what they're doing. THAT IS GOD'S JOB. seriously. God is the one who says "You're disobeying me, you're in sin, you need my help, you need to come to me." God is the one who says "Take up your cross and follow me." God is the one who may say "Depart from me, I never knew you." (scariest words in the Bible, btw.) Condemning is not my job.

Third: Do I hate them? No. Based on everything you just read, do you think I hate them? Of course not. Again, I have homosexual friends. I don't hate them. I pray for them and I love them and I try to show them that true followers of Christ don't hate/condemn them, but that really we're no different than them.

That's right, I said it. Christians are no different than homosexuals. When it all boils down to it, we're all humans, we're all sinners, we're all separated from Christ. The only difference is Christians are redeemed, and homosexuals are not. But neither are serial killers. neither are drug addicts. neither are rapists. let's get a little dirtier: neither is your second grade math teacher who didn't believe in Jesus, but didn't tell you not to believe in Him either. neither is a Muslim or Buddhist. neither is a Catholic who believes they're going to heaven because they say Hail Mary's. (I'll write about my beliefs on Catholics another day, but in a nutshell: I believe some Catholics are saved, and some are not.) we're all dead, but Christ makes us alive.

Sin is sin. There are no degrees of sin. If my mom tells me I can have two and only two cookies, and I take three, that's sin. If I sleep with another woman, that's sin. It's the same word, it's the same meaning. I know it's a huge difference to us, but it's still sin to God, and He's the one who makes the rules, and I have no right to say any different. THAT right there is why I can't hate homosexuals: because they sin just like I do, their sin is no worse than mine, they are no different than me.

And I am commanded to love everyone as I love myself. Hopefully I love others more than I love myself.

Also: that amazing video that will BLOW YOUR MIND really is amazing. I kinda want to know the answer to the mystery!!! and I want to watch more videos by him.

Question for you:

Would you like more video response posts? And, was this absurdly long and did you skip it because I'm pathetic and long winded (or you were busy)?

Swanning

Swanning (verb: Swan-ing). a date in which you and your boyfriend/girlfriend take a walk along a river and look at swans. Ex: John and I went swanning last night.

It's been a lovely week. I've been able to see Victory and John every day. Yesterday Victory and I even got to have a tea party :D

John took me to the ballet on Friday. Yesterday we went for a walk in the park right as the sun was going down, and we saw the swans on the river, and the baby ducks, and we sat on the swing and talked until it got too cold (even leaned up against him, and he's like a heater). then we got pizza and watched a movie.

My mom and sis are coming up today, and they're bringing my new microwave, and a few other random things. John and I are going to try to have dinner tonight, since tomorrow I won't see him until he drops me off at my carpool to go back to school.

ugh.

but I'll see him over thanksgiving :) which is in a month. :\

<3

Thank God for Fall Break!!!

:D Yay. idk if I mentioned it or not, but Sis and I came up to visit John and Victory for Fall break this week. He picked us up at a gas station (because we got a ride most of the way) and took us to Victory's house.

When we were settled, he stole me for about a half hour. we went on a short walk and just held hands and hugged and it was lovely. He even sang to me while we slow-danced in the street. But we went inside because it was starting to rain. and because he had to get up at 8 the next morning, and it was already past midnight.

it was just so good to see him. it's been a long six weeks. A six weeks where I had three periods.

WHICH DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

gah.

now I'm sitting in Starbucks knitting his scarf for Christmas. And I'll see him this afternoon. Victory and he both get out of school at 4. Sis went home with dad (who I got to see today and I gave him a BIG hug) so I get Victory and her sister, Lizzy, all to myself.

This is going to be the best week ever.

Also. My "Keep Calm and DFTBA" shirt came in.

<3

formspring.me

http://formspring.me/freakishdiary
I will answer anything unless it's wildly inappropriate! and I may even answer those because theyre funny

Just stumbled across your page from a nanowrimo thread. Absolutely love "The List". Could have been my daughters who wrote this, except you left our "Be an Eagle Scout". My eldest knows, and has worked with, many and she believes attaining that rank sho

:) believe it or not, my boyfriend was extremely close to being an Eagle Scout! I'm glad you liked the list.

Ask me anything

sexy boyfriends, overweight ballerinas, and college pranks

It makes me sad that John thinks he's not attractive. I tell him he is, but he doesn't quite believe me. Then again, he tells me I am, and I don't quite believe him. So I guess he's just more open about his doubt than I am. I made him promise not to cut himself down anymore, and it'll take some getting used to, but I think he'll get better at it.

The thing is, he is everything I want and everything I need. and I don't really know how to prove that to him. I think I'm just going to have to prove it after a long period of time. He's going to have to realize it himself—and realize that it doesn't matter even if he isn't "good enough" for me, because I love him and I'm sticking with him.

So there's nothing really I can do, because he as to find his worth in Christ, not me. But it makes me feel kind of helpless.

On a brighter (or not so brighter) note, I've decided, again, to lose weight. I don't like stretch marks. they're ugly. So the weight is going bye-bye. I don't look good in a leotard anymore.

This is going to be expensive, however, because it means I have to eat upstairs, and that costs a lot of money. It's going to be hard, because that means I have to give up Caramel Macciattos. and I really like those. Also no more latte's either. I'm going back to coffee. It's cheaper and non-fattening.

I'm also trying to figure out how to cook beans and lentils in the microwave.

of course, not that my microwave is broken, it's a bit of a moot point.

I was pranked… Here's the story.

There's this guy. He lives across the hall and down a door or two. Let's call him Scott. He's a Freshman and he's almost as obnoxious as me. He loves zombies and we share a sort of passion for sharp objects and violence. (what you mean you didn't know I was a violent person? pu-leez.)

He discovered:

1. I have a cool assassin hat
2. I leave my door unlocked most of the time
3. my boyfriend lives 300 miles away.

So this is what he did.

1. he stole my hat
2. when I finally got it back, a few days later he snuck into my room and ransacked it and stole it again
3. he brought me cookies and popcorn as an apology but wouldn't return the hat.

I did eventually get the hat back, btw. I made him feel really guilty because in the process of ransacking my room, he put my laundry detergent in my microwave. Now this normally wouldn't be a problem, but he didn't know the laundry detergent cap was broken, and it leaked all over my microwave.

like this:

 

yeah. I was mad.

so I cleaned it out as best I could. after letting the rest of it dry out for a day or two, I plugged it in and it was making weird crackly electrical noises, so I unplugged it and set it asside.

Scott felt really bad. he said he wanted to buy me a new one but he was broke, so he gave me my hat back. I kept the pictures for blackmail. bwahahahaha!

and for funsies.

So I have my hat and no microwave. however an old friend of mine said they had an extra and they're going to bring it to my folks place so I can get it after fall break. yay!

God is awesome like that.

So now I know two things:

1. Lock my door at all times. no exceptions.
2. Don't tease/joke around with/participate in activities with Scott, because he does like me. Which is a little creepy, honestly, because he is like seventeen and I'm almost twenty. and he knows that.

ew.

anyway.

I GET TO SEE JOHN AND VICTORY IN FOUR DAYS! FNAOFHNASOFGNSALFSAJ.

<3

I am not feeling creative enough to title this post.

Okay so basically here's the gist.

I'm visiting Victory and John over fall break. I'll be staying with Victory and her family (yay! I get to see my girlfriends and my boyfriend at the same time!!) and I'm really excited.

I get to see them in NINE DAYS. it's been hard. we both had some days where I seriously would have just gotten in the car and driven down if I'd had the gas money.

good thing I'm broke.

wait. scratch that. I wish I had more money.

anyway I talked to his mom today, because it was her anniversary and apparently John was the only one who remembered. so I gave her a call to say hi. she seemed really happy to talk to me. she told me about a yarn shop out there, and I may see if John will take me.

not like I need any yarn. I have buckets full.