so here's the thing… there are two kinds of people: the people who sit around and pray about things, and the people who jump in.
I'm not saying it's wrong to pray about something, like a decision or an idea or whatever, but I've learned that God answers those prayers by either opening or closing doors. He doesn't just make it happen for you.
just thoughts.
So there's this hymn I grew up singing called "Take my life" and one of the verses says "Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love."
And it's no secret that I love kitties.
It's also obvious that you knit and crochet with your hands.
Which is why the ministry I'm starting is called Take My Paws. I've been knitting like a mad-kitty (<--- haha, see what I did there?) and making stuff to donate instead of sell.
What I'm going to do is make hats, scarves, cowls, baby blankets, mittens, and anything else I can make, and donate them. That's it. just give them away to people who need them.
I'll also be collecting them from other people if you want to contribute. I'm working with another girl from my on-campus ministry who is doing the same thing.
So if you want to make stuff to donate or send yarn (which is obviously appreciated since we wouldn't have to buy yarn to make stuff for people) email me at sadbutsweetemokid@yahoo.com and I'll send you all the info you need.
And if you can't help physically, please pray that God will give me the opportunity to serve Him with my talents and open doors to make things, give things away, and teach other people to do the same.
Thanks!
I've been thinking a lot about God and money and stuff. I'm negative in my account right now (not sure how that happened, I usually keep really good track). I've been trying to sell stuff on my etsy shop like mad, but nothing is coming of it.
So I'm switching gears. I'm going to take a leap of faith and go back to my original plan: make baby clothes and donate them. for free. zero profit.
I know God will take care of me, and I know He'll bless me. I just have to have the faith to do it.
So here we go.
One of my facebook friends posted an article to his profile. He usually posts interesting stuff, so I checked it out. I found that the article he'd posted was wrong about a few things.
And see, this is why the Bible talks about those who are willingly ignorant, and those whose eyes are not open so they can't understand. When I read the Bible, I understand it. When they read it, they take the letter of the law and try to explain it—and they generally get it wrong.
{my notes will be italicized in brackets}
1. If Jesus did not mention a subject, it cannot be essential to his teachings. {Yes, He did, actually. Consider again that first, Jesus is part of the trinity, and God strictly prohibits homosexuality.}
2. You are not being persecuted when prevented from persecuting others. {Not sure what this sentence means, actually… I think there's a typo. But here's the thing about persecution: If a true and honest Christian meets a homosexual, they aren't going to try and convert them or condemn them. They're going to befriend them. That's what Jesus would have done. The fact that many Christians are not only homophobes but also just avoid homosexuals shows how sin still effects Christians. We aren't perfect: we just know the standard. That doesn't mean we always meet it.}
3. Truth isn’t like wine that gets better with age. It’s more like manna you must recognize wherever you are and whoever you are with. {I'm not sure what this has to do with anything… But I think it's saying that truth is relative, or maybe that sometimes it isn't clear. This is true. This doesn't mean homosexuality is right. This isn't even an argument. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but seriously? If you're going to write an article about why Christians should accept homosexuals, at least make your points points!}
4. You cannot call it “special rights” when someone asks for the same rights you have. {of course not. But we have the right of marriage and of accepted love because we're doing it the way it was supposed to be done.}
5. It is no longer your personal religious view if you’re bothering someone else. {this is just outright incorrect. My views bother people—that's the way Christianity works. We're the salt of the earth. Ever pour salt on an open wound? Notice how it hurts like hell but it disinfects? That, right there, is Christianity and an example of Christ cleaning our nasty hearts. Our culture has gone beyond tolerance, and has re-defined the term to mean "acceptance." We have the freedom of religion, NOT the "freedom not to be offended or bothered."}
6. Marriage is a civil ceremony, which means it’s a civil right. {Wrong again: Marriage is a Holy covenant with God—even if the couple isn't saved. God created the covenant, and He says "A man shall leave his father and become united with his spouse." "One man and one woman." Those are God's rules for HIS covenant. We'd better respect that. I can't stop you from sleeping together or living together. That's fine. But it isn't marriage. Even if the government says it is: In God's book (and He's the one in charge) all you're doing is fornication.}
7. If how someone stimulates the pubic nerve has become the needle to your moral compass, you are the one who is lost. {I'm sorry, what? how does this relate to anything? did you run out of ideas to make it to ten?}
8. To condemn homosexuality, you must use parts of the Bible you don’t yourself obey. Anyone who obeyed every part of Leviticus would rightly be put in prison. {M'kay. First of all, we aren't under the old law anymore. Old testament, old covenant, old and fulfilled requirements. It's still a sin, but we don't have to do anything about it except love people like Jesus loved them. Second: It's not our job to condemn people. That's not what we do. That's God's job. Third: God doesn't just talk about homosexuality in Leviticus. He talks about it everywhere.}
9. If we do not do the right thing in our day, our grandchildren will look at us with same embarrassment we look at racist grandparents. {This is true! This has nothing to do with your argument, but this is true. "The right thing" is a bit vague, don't you think? My "right thing" would be making homosexual marriage illegal in all states. They can get a "civil union" or a "domestic partnership" or whatever, but it's not marriage. Your "right thing" would probably make it legal. Now I'm not talking about relative truth, just differing opinions.}
10. When Jesus forbade judging, that included you. {Also true. Again, nothing to do with your argument, since God judges homosexuals, and Christians simply love and serve them like they do everyone else.}
This article annoys the crap out of me, mostly because they try to sound educated and experienced about the Bible, when really they have no idea what they're talking about. If you're going to bash the Bible, at least do your research.
Then again, like I said before. Non-Christians can read the Bible all they want, but unless God opens their eyes, they won't understand it. So I can't blame the writer.
But I still hold to my opinion that it's annoying.
Just spent a good two hours talking with Jace.
Yeah, that Jace. Remember him?
First of all: totally over him. He's easy to be friends with now.
Second: he's so different! he doesn't' swear anymore. He's focused on Christ. He told me a story about how God's been communicating with him and showing Himself and making His plan clearer for him.
It makes me so happy. Because when I met him, he was different. And I'd prayed hard for him that he would become a true Christian. and now I'm very sure he is.
It just makes me happy.
Now he's getting his laptop and is coming back down to the commons room to sit with me so we can do homework together (neither of us really want to do much of anything).
Side-note: I met Jace in September of last year. And now I'm getting my answer to prayer. Sometimes it does take some time.
Still.
Thanks Jesus.
Stupdi is a word I made up (by accident). It means the same as stupid, but it's more of a silly kind of stupid.
Every trial has a reason and a lesson. I'm trying to figure out why God wanted me to sprain my ankle.
Possibly because I hate accepting things from people. I hurt myself because I didn't want to accept a ride home from Jasmine's boyfriend. Mind you, he was taking care of a sick drunk, and I thought it would be rude to leave his girlfriend alone with a guy who could throw up at any time, but still.
and now, I have one leg, and I'm screwed. I'm forced to accept people's help.
Or maybe it's something else. I don't know, I haven't figured it out yet. But I'm looking, because I feel like if I don't learn anything from this trial, it's a waste of my time.
I am doing a French presentation about Nature Writing, so I decided the best way to learn about it was to go do it.
This is the result.
It’s been a long time.
I haven’t written in ages. I’ve been focused on knitting and crocheting, because it makes me money. Writing doesn’t. Yet. Still working on that.
The whole way up here, my mind has been churning—I’ll write about this, and that. What a pretty sound. The grass is so green here.
Now that I’m here, nothing important comes to mind.
It’s a beautiful place: quiet, for a college campus. Probably only because it’s break and there’s only a few dozen people here. There’s a sound of some sort of electrical factory equipment far off in the distance, and every once in a while I hear the chirp of a utility van go by.
I hear the wind approach, like the enemy in the battle, slowly stirring up sound and getting louder as it gets closer. It brushes the leaves and moves the grass before it dances through my hair and tickles my skin.
Where I am is like a pelvis. It’s a bowl-shaped valley, small, but photography tricks could make it look endless because of the shapes of the hills and the positioning of the trees. There is a stone wall surrounding the quarters of the valley—the iliac crest—and stone steps in the middle where the wall joins, leading back up to the real world—the symphosis pubis.
Anatomically, I sit in the sacrum.
It’s a small foot bridge made of stone, a little bit of a slant, and curls connecting the handrail to the stone. Only two feet off the ground at the highest point, it leads from one hill—well, lump—to the other. It doesn’t join anything, it doesn’t protect from anything.
Does it serve a purpose?
Does the tailbone serve a purpose?
The girl who told me about The Bridge to Nowhere is a nutrition major, she said it was near the nutrition building, and that’s all I knew about where it was. I’d lived in Buchanan, one of the dorms in upper campus, for a semester. But I’d never gone to this side of upper campus: I’d had no reason to. Walking up to Buchanan the way I used to made me miss living there. I missed the beauty, the wind, the trees, the solitude, the fifteen minute hike to get to classes. I almost wanted to move back—then I remembered they didn’t have single rooms, private bathrooms, or kitchens. So that idea went out the window.
I found the bridge. {girl}had said she used to go up there and sit and listen to God, and pray. It sounded like a lovely place to explore on a boring windy dark day all alone on campus.
{boy} said the LARPers met here for tournaments and battles, or something. I’d seen some pictures, and I knew it was beautiful, but I didn’t know it was quite this symbolic.
At least, I found it to be symbolic. Symbolic of someone I love.
I was pretty sure nature writing was about looking at God’s creation and trying to see His glory, and power in it. I still think that’s true. Why else write about art but to worship the artist?
But the bridge made me think about trials, hard times, warfare, like {boy}'sLARP battles. Spiritual battles God puts in our lives. Sometimes they don’t look like they’re important, sometimes they look like one more pointless hoop to jump through, one more hill to hike up, one more bridge to cross. They feel like they’re just stupid things that are in our lives for no reason.
But the tailbone is there for a reason. It took us a while to figure out why we have one. It turns out we have ligaments attached to this “useless remains of evolution” and if you didn’t have one, you wouldn’t be able to stand up, sit down, walk, lay down… basically, you couldn’t go anywhere.
Maybe this was a pointless bridge, totally useless to some people, like the people who built it there. They were probably thinking “why in hell are we building a bridge that doesn’t have water or thorns or lava under it?”
But it served as a quiet place for {girl}. A battle field for {boy}.
A man who was betrayed, broken, wrongly accused, thrown in jail, and then forced to remember the unfair sin against him every day for the rest of his life may spend his days trying to understand why he was forced to cross this bridge. And he may never know. But maybe it serves as something higher and better. Maybe it’s a blessing, a lesson, a way to worship God, not to the one who was broken, but to someone else.
Does God do stuff like that?
I heard the rain before I felt it. It fell on the leaves and made a sound a child taking off his swimsuit, and letting the sand from the beach fall into the bathtub or onto the kitchen floor.
I snapped my notebook shut and threw everything into my bag, and headed up the hill towards the symphosis pubis. The steps were obnoxiously steep, and I was out of breath by the time I got up. I sighed at the trees, wishing I could be as beautiful as them in their death. I started the long walk back down to my dorm.
I stopped to pick some little purple flowers, and then went into a café I’d never been to before. Now I sit in a window seat eating a pastry and sipping a bad latte, waiting for my Love to text me, telling me he’s finally here on campus after two months of not seeing each other, to see me, to hold me, to kiss me, to remind me of the Glory and fulfilled promises of my highest Father.
I will take him to The Bridge to Nowhere, to the tailbone of the valley, and maybe he’ll remember that sometimes things that seem pointless really serve a greater purpose—if only for future joy.
Today I'm going to write about something very controversial.
"Go ye into all the world and preach the gospel."
"Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world."
"Make disciples in every nation."
As Christians, our job is very clear. We are to share the gospel with the nations, make disciples, and glorify God by serving others. Every year we send tons of missionaries into other countries. Churches go on missions trips. We send money oversees to AIDS victims and earthquake victims.
But there are still homeless people here. Sick people, hurt people, prostitutes, drug addicts, people needing Christ.
You don't have to go into another country to serve Christ. In fact, you shouldn't, unless you've run out of people in your neighborhood and immediate area to serve.
Now, some people are specifically called to go to certain places. They learn the language, they meet people/marry people in those other countries, and they move out there. But they live there, and those people have become their immediate neighbors!
The point is, before you send your money oversees and dedicate your time to places in other countries—however awesome it is—check out your local soup kitchen, goodwill, homeless shelter, or mid-point house for orphans. They need Christ to.
To my Nerdfighters: I see nothing wrong with decreasing World Suck.
But let's focus on city-suck, too.
~em
I got a job.
I'm teaching pre-pointe at a local Christian dance studio! They don't have any girls en pointe right now, but I'm developing a curriculum to put them on. I'm so. freaking. excited.
I love teaching ballet.
!!!!!!
Thank you God!!
more like "where's emily?"
yes, the truth is out. I call myself emily on this blog. it's not my real name. long story there ;)
Back at school. It feels good to be back. Sis is moved in. I think she's still sleeping.
We left Thursday night at 10:30pm and drove through the night. We got to school at 5:30. Record time! It was actually pretty fun. Once we got past midnight, it wasn't hard to stay awake. I like driving at night. It's a lot more relaxing. There's no traffic. There's no huge trucks (well, okay, there are some, but there's plenty of room on the road to pass them). And most of the time, the only headlights on the road are mine! So I don't get blinded!! yay!
Anyway, our ID cards worked at 5:30, so we went into the dorms. Sis and Jeff (more on him later) crashed in commons rooms. I slept in my own bed for the first time in almost a month. I fell asleep about 6am.
and woke up at 9:30am.
because I had forgotten to bring in my medicine and I didn't want to go into withdrawal.
so I got on some clothes and shoes and went out to the car and got my meds and by the time I'd taken them, I was awake (it was cold outside) so I just started unpacking and cleaning and stuff.
we were busy until 6:30pm, when I finally died. I was organizing my yarn (it's still a mess, but it's better) but I just crashed. so I called John for a few minutes, and went to bed at 7.
now im up and I need to go to walmart and get food so I can eat something besides chocolate and doughnuts for breakfast.
okay so: Jeff. Jeff is Sis's friend. She met him last Christmas. I was at college last year, and she was lonely. She met two guys: Jeff, and Blake. the relationship between them was a young adult novel, and one day I'm going to write about something like it and make a lot of money.
anyway. Jeff is a good friend of hers, and he just transferred up to school with us. so you'll be hearing more about him.
lastly: last night I had a dream that everyone thought I pulled a fire alarm in a building and they were going to arrest me. but it turned out I was really a super-hero detective, and I helped them solve the case. I used Jesus-power. (no seriously: my ID said "Christ appointed detective with the Power of God.") anyway then these demons came to our house and I had to destroy them so they wouldn't kill my family, and it was really hard, but I did it using wit and Jesus-power and a really cool gun that shot blue bullets and made things explode.
kinda wish I hadn't woken up.
Super-emily to the rescue!!!
Sometimes I listen to ballet barre music to relax. Maybe it's a conditioned response, but man do I feel relaxed and focused when I listen to Josu Gallastegui. I think I might burn copies for my car.
There's this girl in my french class, we'll call her Rachel. She isn't a Christian. She swears like a sailor and she talks about sex like it's her hobby. It might become one, since she recently broke up with her boyfriend, an event that put her in the hospital. when she told me about that, I saw what I should have seen sooner: not only is she lost, she's dead and searching for meaning in life, and looking for real love that doesn't leave you over stupid immature things.
Next semester we're going to work out together. We're going to get up early—5:30!—and run, and I'm going to teach her pilates and some ballet exercises for her feet (she's very physically broken) and she's going to teach me martial arts. Which is cool because then John and I will be able to do that together!
Anyway, I know as a workout buddy there is a lot of talking. I'm asking for prayer for Rachel and for me. I can see God working in her life. He's putting her though things, and breaking her down. I'd like to think He's softening her heart. I want to be the took He uses to draw her to Him. But I'm going to need courage.
Anyway, that's what's been pressing on my mind lately. Not so much the French test that we take this afternoon at 1 (which I'd also appreciate prayer about…) but more about her. I can't imagine what her life must be like, thinking that sex is crucial to have a relationship with a guy, or that the coolest job on earth would be working in a bar.
The thing is, she's a really cool person. She's just wrong about some things.
Anyway.
I need to stop starting my sentences with "Anyway."
I GET TO SEE JOHN TODAY.
AND I GET TO SEE MY FAMILY TOMORROW!
JOY.
There is a difference between begging and praying. Praying is simply asking God for something. Now I think you can "pray hard," that's great, and I think you pray regularly for something, but there's a line you cross when you start thinking "God please give this to me or I won't be happy." That's when you know you probably a) won't get it, or b) you won't want it when you do.
And there is a difference between trust and laziness. Trusting that God will take care of you is vital in our walk with Him. I could be extremely stressed about my possible summer internship right now, but being stressed about it won't help me get the internship. Instead, I need to trust that God will work it out for His glory and my good.
But then again, you can't just say "Oh God will take care of me" and not do anything about it. Saying "God will give me an internship" and then sitting back and waiting won't help me.
And another thing: There's a difference between jumping in to trust God, and making dumb choices. For example: When I chose Criminal Justice as my major. I could have agonized over "oh what am I going to major in!" but I didn't, I just picked something and went for it and figured if it wasn't part of God's plan, He'd throw up a roadblock and point me in another direction. And when I switched majors it was the same thing.
Now with John, I was a bit more careful about "jumping in." but that mindset was definitely there after it was clear that he wasn't just going to pursue me, seduce me, and leave me. He and I were both in it for the right reasons, we had the same goals, we have the same beliefs about marriage and relationships, and we are both in it for the long haul. we're DEFINITELY compatible (if you can call it that…). so then I had to chose to jump in, after all that important stuff was clear.
and I could have said no. Because remember, he had an ex-girlfriend who had him thrown in jail, and his gpa isn't so great, and he's not very book-smart, and I know a grand total of two people besides me who think he's attractive. But I was pretty sure I loved him, and he was exactly what I asked for, so I jumped in.
"Why do you always bring your boyfriend into it, em? knock it off!"
Sorry…
The point is, you can ask through prayer, you can trust God, and you can jump in. But when it all comes down to it, no matter what you do and what choice you make, eventually you'll find the open doors (after you run into enough closed ones). but you've got to be willing to ram your face into some doors first.
and really, it doesn't hurt quite as much as you think.
And it's always worth it.
BTW, Berean is a term from Acts 17, where the church in Berea was congratulated because they tested everything they were being taught against what they knew was true from the old testiment. I consider myself non-denominational, but also a Berean, because I test everything I hear against what I know to be true.
This is a nerdfighter video. I would ask you please watch it before reading the post. There are some weird sexual facts about bed bugs (awkward…) but I'd like you to watch it not only because it's interesting and funny, but it brings up a good point.
you can skip it if you really want, and my post will, hopefully, still make sense.
(note: I'd say this is for ages 16+)
My response:
It's interesting to me to see a non-Christian's perspective on homosexuality. Hank made this video for National Coming Out Day.
Sexual orientation is different than personality. One of the misconceptions poor Hank had was that since his personality mixed well with girls but he didn't have crushes on them, maybe his sexual orientation matched theirs, since his personality matched theirs.
I really like knives and violent movies. I like hanging out with guys. I write crime thrillers about kick-ass guys (and girls) who blow things up. Am I attracted to women because most of the time it's men who like movies like that? absolutely not. My Sis has mostly guy friends… I think she has three girlfriends total, and she's friends with them mostly because I am (Victory, her sister, and a girl in the state we used to live in). Does that mean our sexual orientations are closer on the scale of Male than of Female? I'd beg to differ. Our personalities might be, but sexual orientation is a totally different scale, and it's not really a scale at all. It's a box, and it's determined by your DNA and your anatomy. Again, some people get confused by their personality, but that doesn't determine your sexuality.
A lot of people say they "knew they were gay" or "were born this way," but science has shown us that when we really get to the bottom of homosexuality, it's usually because of a bad experience, or confusion, such as Hank's confusion, or the confusion of my character in my book. my character decides that she hates guys because they're mean, so if she hates guys, she MUST like girls! it made sense to a little kid at the time. when she falls in love with a guy in high school, she get's REALLY confused. sometimes but not always, someone will be confused because of sexual abuse as a child. Nobody is born gay. They are born male or female.
Now: do I have a problem with gay people? am I condemning them to hell? do I hate them? let me answer each one.
Do I have a problem with them? Define problem. I have a lot of homosexual friends. They are great friends to me. Some of my ballet students are gay. Some of my writing friends are lesbians. I write a novel about a girl who thinks she is a lesbian (email me if you're curious, because I'm not going to write about the book on this blog). Now: I have a problem with homosexuality itself. not the people, but the sin. It's disgusting. it makes me sad. it's against God's commands and it's against nature.
(if you disagree with me about it being against nature and tell me "almost every other species has homosexuality," my only argument is "every other species can still reproduce from homosexuality. they don't do it because they're confused, they do it because it's part of their survival. if two males can't have sex and have a baby, or two females can't have sex and have a baby, it's against nature.)
Also: It doesn't matter if I have a problem with it or not, because I'm not God (more on that below). God is the one who created us, God is the one who rules this universe and all of creation. If God is the one who has a problem with it, I would be smart if I were you and do what He says.
Second question: Am I condemning them to hell? no, I'm not. I'm not God. I'm a Christian, but I'm not God. Again, I hate the sin, not the people. My job on earth is to glorify God, enjoy Him forever, and go into all the world and preach the gospel and make disciples. My job is to love my neighbor as myself. My job is to trust and obey. You've heard it all before, but that's really what it boils down to. Take my life and let it be, ever only all for thee. My job is not telling people who is going to hell because of what they're doing. THAT IS GOD'S JOB. seriously. God is the one who says "You're disobeying me, you're in sin, you need my help, you need to come to me." God is the one who says "Take up your cross and follow me." God is the one who may say "Depart from me, I never knew you." (scariest words in the Bible, btw.) Condemning is not my job.
Third: Do I hate them? No. Based on everything you just read, do you think I hate them? Of course not. Again, I have homosexual friends. I don't hate them. I pray for them and I love them and I try to show them that true followers of Christ don't hate/condemn them, but that really we're no different than them.
That's right, I said it. Christians are no different than homosexuals. When it all boils down to it, we're all humans, we're all sinners, we're all separated from Christ. The only difference is Christians are redeemed, and homosexuals are not. But neither are serial killers. neither are drug addicts. neither are rapists. let's get a little dirtier: neither is your second grade math teacher who didn't believe in Jesus, but didn't tell you not to believe in Him either. neither is a Muslim or Buddhist. neither is a Catholic who believes they're going to heaven because they say Hail Mary's. (I'll write about my beliefs on Catholics another day, but in a nutshell: I believe some Catholics are saved, and some are not.) we're all dead, but Christ makes us alive.
Sin is sin. There are no degrees of sin. If my mom tells me I can have two and only two cookies, and I take three, that's sin. If I sleep with another woman, that's sin. It's the same word, it's the same meaning. I know it's a huge difference to us, but it's still sin to God, and He's the one who makes the rules, and I have no right to say any different. THAT right there is why I can't hate homosexuals: because they sin just like I do, their sin is no worse than mine, they are no different than me.
And I am commanded to love everyone as I love myself. Hopefully I love others more than I love myself.
Also: that amazing video that will BLOW YOUR MIND really is amazing. I kinda want to know the answer to the mystery!!! and I want to watch more videos by him.
Would you like more video response posts? And, was this absurdly long and did you skip it because I'm pathetic and long winded (or you were busy)?
One of my first songs. Another one I set to music and can still play on the piano. Mind you it's not very good but it's something…
He has loved us in our sin
Sent us the Way
We’re forgiven today
He is
He was divinely sent
Rejected an shamed
Sinfully slain
He is
He is
the Great Redeemer
the Spotless Lamb
the Chief Cornerstone
The Great I Am
He heals the blind,
the lame, the dumb
HE's our refuge of safety,
The Lord of love
He’s our Heavenly Father
The Prince of Peace
Jehovah, Creator,
our friend in our need,
He is
And He will gloriously reign
Return to us again
Conquer all sin
He is
And we will lift up our hands
Fall to our face
Praise His holy name
For…
He isHe is
He is.
This song was inspired by Galatians 2:20, and my neon orange shirt that says "Dead Man Walking."
I like that shirt.
I’ve been crucified
I’m following the Master’s path
I’ve died to the world but
Somehow I’m alive
I don’t live like you
And I don’t live like me anymore
Christ lives in me
He keeps me alive
chorus:
*Dead Man Walking
I’m a ghost of what I used to be
It’s a death I’ve chosen
I’m tired of living alive*
He died for me
So I’ve died to follow Him
Because He loves me
His life has becomes mine
So in this body
I’ll stay put until it’s gone
And I’ll keep dying
Until the day I’m alive
(Chorus)
A song I wrote a few years ago.
(parenthesis are echoes)
Give unto the Lord
God almighty
To the Lord
Of Strength and Glory
The glory due His name
The voice of the Lord
Rests upon the waters
(the voice of the Lord)
The voice of the Lord
Breaketh the cedars
(the voice of the Lord)
And we cry to the Holy Lord
The Lord our God
Sitith upon the flood
Praise to our Loving God
Who’s Glory thundereth
The Glory due His name
The Voice of the Lord
Divides the flames of fire
(the voice of the Lord)
The voice of the Lord
Strips the forests bare
(the voice of the Lord)
And shaketh the wilderness
(and shaketh the wilderness)
And makes the dear give birth
(and makes the dear give birth)
And is full of Majesty
(and is full of majesty)
And shows His mighty Hand
(and shows His mighty hand)
And we cry to the Holy Lord
The Lord our God
Sits upon the throne
And He will rule
As King Forever more
Give Glory to His name
Give Glory to His name
And we cry to the Holy Lord
(the voice of the Lord…)
(the voice of the Lord…)
(the voice of the Lord…)
This is one of my early songs that I set to music on the piano. It's still one of my favorites to play! The second part of the chorus could use some work, but it's right out of scripture, kind of like The Voice of the Lord.
The morning dawns
Clouds are lit
Casting light around
Oceans turn
From grey to blue
Tides come in and out
The wonders of the earth testify Your power
You cause the sun to rise
Your power is shown before our eyes
For You make the lightning and the rain
You cause the winds to blow
All of my thoughts You know
You understand my every prayer
Righteousness and justice are the foundations of your throne
I will glorify the God who reigns
The waters of
The floods lift up
Their voices with their praise
The mountains melt
At Your commands
You are the God who reigns
The wonders of the earth testify Your power
You cause the sun to rise
Your power is shown before our eyes
For You make the lightning and the rain
You cause the winds to blow
All of my thoughts You know
You understand my every prayer
Righteousness and justice are the foundations of your throne
I will glorify the God who reigns
see, now I don't know what to do. John called me again last night. let's just say he seems to be able to see right through me. I've never felt so exposed in my life. and I've never even looked him in the eye. He's visiting my hometown next weekend and he wants to take me out. I've never been this nervous about meeting anyone.
I did find out what "dirt" he had on me though, and it's not as bad as I thought. my girlfriend who gossiped about me (it's okay I forgive you darling) told him I sleep with a huge teddy bear (which is true, no laughing) and that I have a secret blog. he was pretty interested in said blog (which is this one in case you haven't figured it out for some reason). I told him yes I have one and that's all I'm going to tell you about it. he says he's going to find out where to find it by interrogating my friends. NOBODY TELL HIM OR I'LL KILL YOU.
she also told him I'm allergic to chocolate, also true, but I purposefully didn't tell him I was allergic to chocolate, because I knew he was the kind of guy who would bring me chocolate!
but there's a catch. I'm only allergic to the poor quality stuff like Dove or Hershey's. whatever. he knows I can eat Lindor truffles without coughing and tearing up. so there's still hope.
also: he wants to take me ballroom dancing. I about died when he told me that.
yeah. this is getting really hard. I'm trying not to freak out and back off but I'm afraid I might. he's a guy who looks for serious commitment and if I did back off he'd do the same.
But I'm trying not to hand my heart over on a silver platter. because some boys will just crush it without thinking. they have no idea how fragile it is. I doubt he'd do that, but still.
and I'm trying to remember that God's already got the whole thing figured out and He knows my story. I have to read one page at a time. I desperately want to skip to the end to see if it turns out okay but I don't have that option. So I'll just have to hold true to myself and my standards and my faith and trust that it'll work out.
why do people always want to find themselves? What kind of person are you that you don't know who you are? what's so great about yourself anyway? what if you don't like what you find?
in my experience, people are evil and wretched and dirty. if finding yourself supposed to show you what you truly are, why would you even WANT to find that?
I didn't have to go through the painful process of finding myself because I know who I am. it was explained to me early on, and for that i know I'm blessed. I know that I am worthless and only Christ gives me worth.
maybe those people who are trying to find themselves are really trying to find God.
so here's the thing: this diet I was doing for school was taking over my life. After only three weeks I was at the point where I felt guilty for eating a brownie or peanut butter or a chicken patty. and the study was for my stress management class.
ironic?
so I'm done. I did it for about three weeks, and I'm going to put two of the three weeks up on the records and explain I couldn't continue doing it because of money, time, and stress, and how eventually I want to do the experiment on other people and for a long term. however, I did manage to drop my body fat percentage and weight over said two weeks. so I did what I set out to do. but for now, I'm done.
tonight for dinner, I hate a hamburger and pizza crust and a half a brownie and the whipped cream off a piece of cake. and I felt guilty for it and had to remind myself that I am now done with the retarded diet and I can eat what I want.
but even now I feel guilty.
I hate it! I want to be back at 130 or more pounds. and even though I won't look quite as great in a leotard, I chose to be satisfied with my body because I will never be thin enough to make myself happy.
see, I've always wanted to be about 115. I could do it if I worked really hard and had the time to exercise. but I like food. and I like it when my jeans fit. and I like having boobs.
but the thing is… even when I was down to 122 with a 14.8 body fat percentage, I still thought my legs were fat. I thought they weren't as fat, but I still looked at them and thought "ew. chubby jiggly yuck."
but unless I lost all my body fat and toned my muscles completely, I will never be satisfied. and the guilt I felt would have eventually, if I'd let myself keep going, become an eating disorder. not anorexia or bulimia, but still disordered eating to the point where I would be obsessed with losing weight.
thank God I'll never be a ballerina. He knew what He was doing by giving me bad arches and crappy knees and no turnout. He was saving me.
all I can say is, if you're not happy with your body, try changing it. you may change for good and be satisfied with the new change… or you may learn that you were satisfied all along.
