May 30, 2011

Had a lovely dream last night

I had a dream that my dad brought home this really handsome guy for me (Because, in case I haven't mentioned this before, I've asked my dad to pick my husband for me) and he quite a gentleman (the kind that hold doors and kiss your hand). I made him dinner and stole his heart.

It was quite lovely.

I sort of wanted to punch something when I woke up, though.

I really miss school. And the freedom that came with it. And dancing, and running, and eating what I want. It's hard to go back and forth from freedom to…family life? It's not captivity, but it's hard. Nice, less expensive, but hard.


Got to go fold laundry.

Haven't run into voldey yet, thank God. I know it'll happen though, because it always does. really I just hope he doesn't hate me. I don't care if he doesn't want to be friends, I just don't want him to hate me.

stupid boys. Gah.

May 26, 2011


Only Ian would text me at 2:30 in the morning to ask me when father's day is.

Charlie (our black poodle puppy named after John Steinbeck's poodle) found out he can chase his tail. catching it isn't very much fun, though. when he did finally manage to get hold of it, he tugged on it, and promptly fell over.

might get a chance to work at the library this year, but the lady in charge of hiring hasn't called me back yet. it's because she's busy. she likes me better than the kid who normally works there in the summer. or maybe she lost my number.

decided my character in my novel is a quantum physicist and a rocket scientist. the supporting character gives her a t-shirt for her birthday that says "I'm no rocket surgeon."

which is a t-shirt that I did actually find.

I found a journal that said "I'm an English major. you do the math."

my sister wants to teach me MtG. I really don't want to bother learning. but I might anyway. idk.

need to work on my book.

what are five little everyday things that can put a smile on your face?

you. peppermint hot chocolate. ian texting me at two in the morning. charlie chasing his tail. the high kings.

Ask me anything

May 25, 2011

I'm talented.

My sister has strings of glass beads hanging from the ceiling. over my bed. last night one of them fell off and landed on me. I've been having nightmares of cockroaches for the past week and when it fell i thought it was a huge bug. i screamed, scrambled up, and managed to FALL OUT OF MY BUNK BED onto my bottom. once i got over the initial shock, i was rather impressed with myself for not getting hurt.

May 18, 2011

What ice cream flavor describes your personality the best?

double-chocolate-fudge-cookie-dough-mocha-coffee-chip-syrup-extra-dark...... type stuff. you get the idea.

Ask me anything

May 17, 2011

Rules for writing

List by Keith Cronin

10. Never say verdant.
9. Just because it’s true doesn’t make it compelling – or even interesting.
8. Adverbs are just words. They don’t damage sentences; writers do.
7. Three words: Strunk and White.
6. Don’t fall in love with your words. Makes it hard to kill them.
‎5. It’s hard to grow if you only write what you know. Crap, that rhymes. Wasn’t meant to.
4. When writing sex scenes (edit for the sake of my readers. you can look op the original link if you must.)
3. Stop bitching. You have cut-and-paste, and the Undo key. Most literary greats did not.
2. You’re not wrong: Clive Cussler really does suck.
1. It’s fiction. Make stuff up.



A list by Elmore Leonard

1. Never open a book with weather.

If it's only to create atmosphere, and not a character's reaction to the weather, you don't want to go on too long. The reader is apt to leaf ahead looking for people. There are exceptions. If you happen to be Barry Lopez, who has more ways to describe ice and snow than an Eskimo, you can do all the weather reporting you want.

2. Avoid prologues.

They can be annoying, especially a prologue following an introduction that comes after a foreword. But these are ordinarily found in nonfiction. A prologue in a novel is backstory, and you can drop it in anywhere you want.

There is a prologue in John Steinbeck's ''Sweet Thursday,'' but it's O.K. because a character in the book makes the point of what my rules are all about. He says: ''I like a lot of talk in a book and I don't like to have nobody tell me what the guy that's talking looks like. I want to figure out what he looks like from the way he talks. . . . figure out what the guy's thinking from what he says. I like some description but not too much of that. . . . Sometimes I want a book to break loose with a bunch of hooptedoodle. . . . Spin up some pretty words maybe or sing a little song with language. That's nice. But I wish it was set aside so I don't have to read it. I don't want hooptedoodle to get mixed up with the story.''

3. Never use a verb other than ''said'' to carry dialogue.

The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But said is far less intrusive than grumbled, gasped, cautioned, lied. I once noticed Mary McCarthy ending a line of dialogue with ''she asseverated,'' and had to stop reading to get the dictionary.

4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb ''said'' . . .

. . . he admonished gravely. To use an adverb this way (or almost any way) is a mortal sin. The writer is now exposing himself in earnest, using a word that distracts and can interrupt the rhythm of the exchange. I have a character in one of my books tell how she used to write historical romances ''full of rape and adverbs.''

5. Keep your exclamation points under control.

You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose. If you have the knack of playing with exclaimers the way Tom Wolfe does, you can throw them in by the handful.

6. Never use the words ''suddenly'' or ''all hell broke loose.''

This rule doesn't require an explanation. I have noticed that writers who use ''suddenly'' tend to exercise less control in the application of exclamation points.

7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.

Once you start spelling words in dialogue phonetically and loading the page with apostrophes, you won't be able to stop. Notice the way Annie Proulx captures the flavor of Wyoming voices in her book of short stories ''Close Range.''

8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.

Which Steinbeck covered. In Ernest Hemingway's ''Hills Like White Elephants'' what do the ''American and the girl with him'' look like? ''She had taken off her hat and put it on the table.'' That's the only reference to a physical description in the story, and yet we see the couple and know them by their tones of voice, with not one adverb in sight.

9. Don't go into great detail describing places and things.

Unless you're Margaret Atwood and can paint scenes with language or write landscapes in the style of Jim Harrison. But even if you're good at it, you don't want descriptions that bring the action, the flow of the story, to a standstill.

And finally:

10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.

A rule that came to mind in 1983. Think of what you skip reading a novel: thick paragraphs of prose you can see have too many words in them. What the writer is doing, he's writing, perpetrating hooptedoodle, perhaps taking another shot at the weather, or has gone into the character's head, and the reader either knows what the guy's thinking or doesn't care. I'll bet you don't skip dialogue.

My most important rule is one that sums up the 10.

If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.

Or, if proper usage gets in the way, it may have to go. I can't allow what we learned in English composition to disrupt the sound and rhythm of the narrative. It's my attempt to remain invisible, not distract the reader from the story with obvious writing. (Joseph Conrad said something about words getting in the way of what you want to say.)

If I write in scenes and always from the point of view of a particular character -- the one whose view best brings the scene to life -- I'm able to concentrate on the voices of the characters telling you who they are and how they feel about what they see and what's going on, and I'm nowhere in sight.

What Steinbeck did in ''Sweet Thursday'' was title his chapters as an indication, though obscure, of what they cover. ''Whom the Gods Love They Drive Nuts'' is one, ''Lousy Wednesday'' another. The third chapter is titled ''Hooptedoodle 1'' and the 38th chapter ''Hooptedoodle 2'' as warnings to the reader, as if Steinbeck is saying: ''Here's where you'll see me taking flights of fancy with my writing, and it won't get in the way of the story. Skip them if you want.''

''Sweet Thursday'' came out in 1954, when I was just beginning to be published, and I've never forgotten that prologue.

Did I read the hooptedoodle chapters? Every word.

Writers on Writing

This article is part of a series in which writers explore literary themes. Previous contributions, including essays by John Updike, E. L. Doctorow, Ed McBain, Annie Proulx, Jamaica Kincaid, Saul Bellow and others, can be found with this article at The New York Times on the Web:

May 16, 2011

Weather (or whether?) is beautiful today. I have work in an hour. Got up to 27300 words today. 65,000 is a novel. So im nearly halfway there. Story itself is about 2/3 through. After i fill it out, edit, and add description and tension (and maybe some more physical attraction between my protagonists) it should be up to the word count. My professor said she'd send it to a certain best-selling author she knows. THAT would be AMAZING.

May 15, 2011


I shall add to these lists as I deem necessary.

Things I hate:

  • Boys
  • boys who flirt
  • boys who stalk my sisters
  • tests
  • going to bed past 10:30

Things I love

  • Chocolate
  • Hot Chocolate
  • Waking up with the sun
  • Books
  • Advanced Reading Copies from really good publishers (maybe it's a reviewer's thing)
  • Libraries
  • working on my books
  • Yarn
  • Sewing
  • Dolls with curly hair
  • Boys with curly hair
  • Doing the dishes while it rains outside

Things I want to do this summer:

  • Finish all my books for review
  • finish my novel
  • dance and get back in shape
  • find something I can knit and sell to make money
  • knit Christmas gifts so I can relax over the fall semester…
  • go to the beach with my puppy

Things I want to do when I go back to school:

  • teach ballet
  • dance and get back in shape
  • get my dancer legs back

see, I want a boyfriend like this.

“I have five sisters.” I told her.

“Oh.” She said seriously. She paused and then added, “I’m sorry.”

I laughed. “There have been some tough days.”

“That’s a lot of estrogen.”

“You have no idea. There are certain weeks of the month I camp out with my friends to keep from being eaten. I think they turn into vampires.”

“What’s wrong with vampires?” she asked.

“Nothing. But these ones never smile.” I nudged her playfully with my shoulder and watched as she broke into a smile for a second before pursing her lips and looking at her hands.

“Guess I’m just an out of practice vampire.”

“You’re not a vampire. You don’t try to kill me, you don’t boss me around, you don’t make me go to the drug store at three in the morning to get ibuprofen, you don’t cry when I eat the last doughnut.”

She giggled a little. “You go to the drug store at three in the morning to get pain killers for your sisters?”

I nodded seriously.

“Damn. I bet you’re a really good boyfriend.”

“I try my best.” I grinned.

What's your favorite amusement park ride?

i hate amusement parks.

Muse means "to think." amuse means "to not think." i like thinking. did you know that most people only use about 10% of their brains? also, did you know that memories are not stored in your brain, they're stored as energy patterns in the cells all over your body? so don't tell me that you don't have space in your brain to fill it with stuff" because you'll never use all your brain, and your memories are stored in your cells.

that's why people can operate on the brain and remove chunks of it and people don't forget their memories.

which has nothing to do with the original question.

i hate amusement parks.

Ask me anything

May 13, 2011

What superstitions do you have?

i carry bad luck around with me for some reason.

exhibit A: if i stood too close to the CD player at my ballet studio, it wouldn't play. if i walked to the other side of the room, it would.

exhibit B: I've managed to scare away almost all of my friends, and the ones that are left are either the ones that are as weird as me, or the ones who put up with me for short periods of time because they know i'd stalk them if they tried to run.

Exhibit C: random ironic bad-ish things happen to me. all the time.


Ask me anything

At the curriculum sale. I prayed all week that voldemort wouldn't be here. Im both relieved and disappointed that he didn't show. I wanted a chance to either be nice and win back his friendship, or be a jerk like he was. Oh well. Hopefully i wont run into him. EVER. GAH!!!
Well. Fter PMSing for three weeks my period finally showed up. Worst time ever, too. I havent danced since last wednesday so im in a bad mood anyway. Im so freaking pissed at absolutely nothing that its not even funny. I got a package of chocolate chip cookie dough to snack on while i write.

I might just eat the whole thing.

May 12, 2011

What movie can you watch again and again and never get sick of?

vantage point, taken, or 27 dresses.

which, btw, is the only chick flick i will watch willingly, and only because 1) i love dresses with a passion (though you wouldn't know it based on my female protagonists) and 2) kevin is SEXY.

Ask me anything

May 10, 2011

Voldemort, cookie dough, and novel writing.

I am going to get so fat this summer. I'm also already dehydrated but I'm not feeling the willpower to change that.

see, I have this habit: I like to eat when I write. And since I have to finish my book over the summer, which means I have to write a few thousand words every day, that means I'll be eating recees cups and chocolate chip cookie dough every day.

I need to eat something better, like celery. but celery isn't very tasty.

Saw Voldemort on Sunday night. I figured he wouldn't be working at 7:30 on Mothers Day, but I guess I was wrong. I don't know if he saw me or not, I think he might have. but I stared straight ahead and wouldn't look at him.

I wish the cookie dough section wasn't right in front of the subway restaurant… then again, avoiding him might help me break my habit before I get too fat.

working on my book now. or at least I'm trying. I have to start unfolding everything and I need there to actually be some plot while I'm unfolding stuff.

I'm not a very good writer. I wish I was better. but the only way to get better is to keep writing and that means something I write has to be bad.

Maybe this isnt so much writer's block as it is sensory overload. I have to be focused to write, and this place is just too busy

May 6, 2011

Last day campus is open, but nothing is open until 8.laying in bed waiting to get up sp i'm not standing around.

Dad got here yesterday. I get to go home today. I think i'm excited.

Jace said to stay in touch. Maybe he'll text me back over the summer. I'm going to miss that boy.

May 4, 2011

just ignore me.

im a little depressed because school is over. and although I want to go home I know I'm going to miss the independence and the freedom.

I'm also stressed because I really don't want to run into voldemort and I know I probably will, and I'm still not sure where we stand. he facebooked me back at one point, but we're still not even friends on facebook. I'm really not sure what to do about him. I'm just hoping I don't have to do anything, I'm sort of hoping I just don't see him at all.

but the probability of that in my itty bitty little town is extremely small.

I'm also really upset with myself. see for a while I was down to 122 pounds. I liked it down there. my legs looked really nice. but all my friends and family were worried about me for some reason, even though I was healthier then than I am now. but I got off the diet and started eating junk food again and I'm a lot heavier now. well, not a lot heavier now, like six or eight pounds heavier, but I hate myself again. I just do. maybe from a certain perspective my body is nice, but as a dancer, I'm a disaster. I want my legs back. and everything inside me is telling me to stop eating, even though I know from experience and education that THAT WILL NOT HELP ANYTHING. I did a freaking research report this semester on just that. but I feel like if I starve myself, I'll FEEL like it's helping.

I just have to start eating right again, I tell myself. then I go out and buy cookie dough.

I also haven't exercised as much as I'd like, but I blame it on my shoes. they're so worn out that everything hurts when I exercise, run or otherwise.

maybe it's PMS. it probably is. but right now it doesn't feel like that, it feels like I'm fat and ugly and worthless and I want to hide under my covers and talk to my characters because they'll listen and talk back and probably give me some pretty damn good advice. believe it or not, people who don't exist give really good advice. trust me, I've been listening to them for years. like when Derek said "do yourself a favor and make sure you know him before you decide if you like him or not." or when Nomi says stuff like "the people who don't like me aren't worth being my friends anyway." or when Lisa says "you're not responsible for other people's sins—you have a responsibility to God." I mean, I'd never come up with that stuff without them.

Right now It's Sophie. "There's a balance between taking care of your body, and enjoying food."

I want to enjoy food.

but I also want to look ok in a swimsuit. right now I sorta hang out of it.

doesn't matter. I'll be wearing shorts and a t-shirt over it anyway. at least that's what I tell myself to make me feel better about being fat.

stupid PMS. sometimes I just want to lose weight so I don't get my period anymore. but then I remember that if my parents found out about that, they'd take me out of school and make me gain weight.

stupid. stupid stupid stupid.

just ignore me. I don't think I'm serious about anything right now.


note to self.

never eat upstairs in the dining hall between 10 and 11. there is no food.


Here's the cycle: im lonely, bored, depressed. I need to talk to someone. I dont have anyone. I start talking to someone who isnt there. They start talking back. They develop into a character and i start writing thier story in the form of a novel. Then i cant talk to them anymore because they're not mine. So the whole thing starts over.

Thats why i have over twenty novels im working on.

May 3, 2011

I found me!

why do people always want to find themselves? What kind of person are you that you don't know who you are? what's so great about yourself anyway? what if you don't like what you find?

in my experience, people are evil and wretched and dirty. if finding yourself supposed to show you what you truly are, why would you even WANT to find that?

I didn't have to go through the painful process of finding myself because I know who I am. it was explained to me early on, and for that i know I'm blessed. I know that I am worthless and only Christ gives me worth.

maybe those people who are trying to find themselves are really trying to find God.