so I'm re-reading my blog and seeing that some of my posts never posted. this explains some randomness of some of them. I do apologize.
so I forgot to mention.
last sunday (after Jace and Sam helped me raise my bed) I found out two things:
1) they are in the room right above me. lol.
2) jace came to church last sunday :))))))
which is awesome because I've been praying for him literally since I met him. I hope he comes back.
ok. off to the gym to attempt to do ballet.
well I've been told specifically that I need to blog again because certain friends enjoy stalking my life. obviously I'm slightly more interesting than I thought I was.
the weekend after the move, my roommate's boyfriend came up to visit her. I won't go into details, but let's just say it was awkward. and this is coming from me: who doesn't really truly know the meaning of awkward? yeahhhhh o.0
as mentioned, Jace is talking to me again. I still have no idea what was going on, but I think I jumped to an incorrect conclusion. he gets up at about 6:30 and goes to the gym, so I see him monday/wednesday/friday briefly (can I just say… that boy looks wonderful? :D) , but we don't eat lunch together anymore :\ I haven't been able to catch him on tuesday/thursday and I don't want to drive him crazy.
I started dancing, as mentioned. it's quite wonderful. my cd should be coming soon, so I'll be able to dance by myself as well as in class. in fact I'll probably head over to the studio tonight and dance so I get my legs stretched out a little. unless someone offers to go to the event that's happening on campus. but as I don't have a ton of friends, I doubt anyone will. I'm doing well in dance. I've had two classes, I did some double pirouettes—they weren't good, but they were doubles!!—I got my scorpion back, and my strength is slowly returning. flexibility, not so much. everything hurts. I can't even pee without being in pain.
not like you wanted to know that random awkward detail.
I'm also eating ice cream more because apparently, 17% body fat isn't healthy.
I love how I go from ballet to ice cream.
I have this one friend. we'll call her Nelly (you know who you are) who is the most gorgeous girl ever. some crazy stupid blind people might think she's "big," (which she isn't) but most people just think she's curvy and beautiful. and she's got this incredible smile and beautiful eyes that make everyone just want to curl up and die in happiness. and she's a sweetie. she brings me great joy.
and see, I'd kill for a body like hers. but I can't get it. –sigh-
I'm working on my book a little bit here and there. but I have a lot of reading to do this semester, so I don't get a lot of time.
and—also—I now have a penname. so my books are on a different website and some of my poetry is up there.
and that's all for now. I'll be blogging more often I think, mostly with my phone though. because see… I don't like to carry my computer with me?… and my phone is a lot easier.
Ate dinner with Jace and Sam last night. Didn't expect to see them. Jace was as great as ever. He and sam helped me raise my bed up last night. Or rather they did it and i stood out of the way and held stuff for them. Anyway it was fun.
Church tomorrow, then probably homework all day. Might attempt to be social later. Also need to knit a new scarf because i lost my old one. :/
so apparently, jace is acting "really frigging weird" around all his friends, not just me. Sam said the idea of me annoying him to the point that he wouldn't like me anymore is silly because he puts up with him and his other friends and they're all more annoying than me.
which is one of the reasons I was so confussled about this whole thing. I mean, i 'm not that bad compared to some of the girls he hangs out with!! gah!
anyway. I've been praying for him for a while, praying that God softens his heart and changes his life. he's not horrible… I just don't see him living like a Christian, I see no fruit. it took me almost a week to figure out he even knew who Jesus was.
maybe this "acting really frigging weird" is God working in his heart. I hope that's the case.
mom still thinks he's in love with me. I doubt that seriously.
sam said he'd "beat the hell out of him" when he got back. he needs it.
and a hug.
well, I need a hug. which is why I hope he starts talking to me again. I miss him and his hugs.
Didn't do anything today. Got up at 1pm and worked on my writer profile...basically i'm disconnecting my name from my books.
Hope it works.
Jace hasn't spoken (texted) to me since monday night. Last week. Driving his roommate to church tomorrow. We'll call him Sam. He'd e-mailed me about some God stuff over break. I invited him to church. We're both pretty quiet, so it'll probably be a little awkward, but it'll be ok.
Maybe he can clear up some of this crap with jace.
well I called my mom and got her take on the whole thing. she thinks maybe I'm to clingy and that I scared him off. or maybe that he just needs to back off and figure out his priorities and how he feels about me. which is slightly scary because if that man told me he was interested in me I have no idea what I would do. probably awkwardly stare at his beautiful eyes and wait until he said something of an easier topic.
I'm still praying for him and I'll be here if he ever wants to talk to me again. I just hope that mom is right and that he doesn't hate me.
these are the things that we talked about over Christmas.
thank God I'm back at school. even if my friend is ignoring me.
I'm angry at myself more than anything. I've done it again. jace is ignorning me. I've annoyed him to the point that he's exhasperated, and he's done putting up with me.
but I have no idea what I did.
same thing happened with Voldemort. of course I hate voldemort, and I don't hate jace. I like jace. probably more than I should. he's a nice guy, he's hard not to like. voldey? he was was really easy not to like.
so now I've scared off my closest friend on campus. I feel exactly where I was before, last semester at the beginning of the school year, when Sarah was the only person I knew. only now I know more people and they're sort of my friends, but I don't know them very well.
I really hope I'm wrong. that's all I can say. in fact I hope I'm wrong about voldemort as well. but I don't think I am about either. unless someone stole voldemort's phone and texted my sister on it, and jace lost his phone and just decided not to eat for the past few days.
and it hurts more than it should. I knew he could never be more than a friend because he's just not right for me. but he was a good friend. for three months.
that's fine. God is enough. well Lacrae thinks so. and I know so. it's just annoying. why can't I keep a friend for more than a few months?
one of these days I'll be somebody's "normal," not someone's "weird friend." maybe he'll love me enough to marry me.
I hate boys. maybe I'll just never get married. bah! humbug.
and we've had a foot and a half of snow, so classes are canceled.
And i haven't had a hug since friday morning.
Brainstorming ideas for books. I've got some interesting ideas. I also revised the characters in two of the books i'm working on and it makes much more sense this way.
Sorta hanging out hoping i see jace. But i probably won't because he never sees me, and tends to walk right past me. Maybe i should just head to *$ and knit.
The gym opens at one and the book store opens at noon, so i have a few things to get done today. I need a shower and i have a book to buy, and i need a new internet cable. My old one broke :/
Still havent seen jace or any of the others. Monday classes are cancelled ^_^ so i get a realy long weekend. I Dont have class until Wednesday.
This t9 thing is pretty cool once you get a hang of it...
Will blog again soon, hopefully about more important things.
Happy new years! I hate making resolutions, because I figure why start a habit in January? if you're going to start a habit or resolve to change, don't wait until the beginning of the year. just do it.
Things I'm not going to bother resolving to do because it won't work or would be pointless
So there you go.